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Stretching the two-minute rule

Choice magazine’s Facebook page asked: ‘We want to know what is the wildest and wackiest thing you’ve ever cooked up in your slow cooker?’ says Martin Field of Noosa Heads (Qld). “Two-minute noodles got my vote.” That was quick.

Phil Armour (C8) was in need of a word to describe those Bledisloe false dawns and Column 8 pundits were quick with the post-match analysis. While Ken Hudson of Alstonville thinks Phil was being ‘COVIDinistic’, John Lees of Castlecrag says that what he’s looking for is “a Fitzism”. Stephen Knox of Chatswood suggests “Wushful thunking” and the cruel-but-fair Helen Rey of Pyrmont, Susan Donegan of Invergowrie and Graham Bird of St Ives all simply offer “delusional”. Calling full-time, Bruce Pollard of Ryde thinks the appropriate expression is “Fool’s green and gold”.

“After weeks of pestering my better half to cut my hair (C8), she finally gave in,” writes David Atherfold of Avalon Beach. “She warned me, however, that she only did two styles. The Johnny Rotten and the Stalag 13. It seems the Stalag 13 is similar to the Johnny Rotten, only much shorter with missing chunks and perhaps stitches.”

From cut to colour. “Home-dyeing hair is becoming interesting,” reckons Tess Osborne of West Pymble. “Every four weeks as I banish the unsightly grey roots, I get a new cumulative colour in bands. My hair will soon look like an archaeological dig.”

Adrian Bell of Davistown takes aim: “Graeme Finn (C8) has succeeded where I failed over decades to have this topic clarified in the intellectual annals of Column 8. The Silver Bullet is the only way to kill the Lone Ranger. What the medical gurus and politicians mean is a ‘magic bullet’. And despite widespread misbelief, a silver bullet won’t kill a vampire, only a stake through the heart. Silver bullets weren’t around in Bram Stoker’s day.”

“I read in the paper that a Jetstar plane had an engine malfunction due to the tip of a screwdriver being left in the engine,” says Robert Nielson of Watsons Bay. “Jetstar promised not to leave any tools in their aircraft engines again. Is this something they do regularly?”

Claus for concern? “Mary Watson (C8) was very clever in sorting out a bad smell problem over Skype, but what was in the chimney above the fireplace that caused the bad smell? She really has left us hanging,” says Greg Phillipson of Aranda (ACT).

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