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I’m no puritan but can the celebs please put the PDAs away

Has so many months locked away in their homes made celebrities (and the general public now I think of it) forget how to behave in public?

I’m not talking about throwing phones or getting in and out of cars without wearing their underpants, I’m talking about the stomach-churning displays of affection on the red carpet lately.

Recently, I had the utter misfortune of being told about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez making their red carpet debut as a (newly reunited) couple in Venice. Firstly, I didn’t even realise it was 2001 anymore, but who keeps track of time during a pandemic anyway?

Why?

Why?Credit:AP

Imagine, if you will, the most staged red carpet moment you can. Ben gets out of the car, stops some bloke from opening JLo’s door and then stands and poses alone for a minute.

Then, as if they are unveiling an undiscovered Michelangelo fresco, Jen’s door is opened for her to emerge, wave, pose . . . Red carpets are ridiculous at the best of times, but this was comically so. I meant to google whether one of them is flogging some dreadful film or song or fragrance at Chemist Warehouse to warrant such a choreographed arrival, but then I remembered I don’t care so I carried on watching this fiasco through my fingers.

Some poor publicist ushered the pair along the red rug, gesturing for them to stop here and there to pose for all the flashbulbs going off. Seems legit, I have been on the other side of the red rope enough times to recognise this odd celebrity tradition the world has mysteriously embraced.

Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain in Scenes From a Marriage, a more PG version of their red carpet appearance.

Oscar Isaac and Jessica Chastain in Scenes From a Marriage, a more PG version of their red carpet appearance.Credit:HBO

But then things took a turn for the bizarre. For reasons only known to Ben and JLo, they began pashing on like teenagers at a party after three Bacardi Breezers. Ben’s hands were all over Jen’s butt; at one point I am quite certain he nibbled her ear. I checked the time to make sure I hadn’t accidentally turned on late night SBS but, no, it was still morning.

The same colleague who brought this to my attention then made me watch a video of Jessica Chastain and Oscar Isaacs on the red carpet.

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